Big Decisions Suck When You’re a Parent

Okay, so I am learning right now how being a parent changes the way you make decisions. I am sure you are thinking “no shit” but when you are in it and honestly considering making some big life changes, it really puts things into perspective. Before kids, life choices felt big, but they were pretty much about you and maybe your partner. You thought about new jobs, where to live, and what felt right for the two of you. It was your lives and you had the freedom and responsibility to make the decisions. There were ripples, but they did not feel endless and so overwhelming.

With kids every decision feels like it has a thousand God damn consequences. “Should I take this opportunity?” was always scary but now it turns into a complicated mental puzzle that stretches years, hell even decades, into the future. Now I am asking how it affects my kids today, next year, and ten years from now. I start thinking about their school, their friends, their routines, and how a decision I make today might change their future in ways I can’t even see yet.

It’s honestly scary as shit.

How Kids Completely Change the Process

Before kids, big life decisions where about your lives. You and your partner could talk about a job offer or whether it’s time to move somewhere new. You would think about the commute, fun things to do, and whether the change will make life better or more stressful.

Once you have kids, the equation changes big time. Every choice grows into multiple new questions that didn’t exist before. You start asking how a decision might affect your kids emotionally, socially, and academically. It’s no longer just about logistics. It’s about their world and future.

Like right now I am thinking, if we move, will their new school be good. Then I am like shit, is their current school even good? Will it be hard for them to make new friends? I start picturing them walking into a new classroom for the first time and feeling awkward AF and scared. And that’s just one part of it.

What if this move ends up being the best thing for them?

What if it ends up being a terrible idea?

What if they hate it at first but then love it? How long will that take?

What if they never feel like they fit in?

We obviously want to protect our kids from feeling shitty, and that instinct makes the decision process feel even harder.

The tricky part is that when your brain starts running through those scenarios, it usually focuses on the negative ones. At least mine does. I’m great at imagining the version of the future where everything goes sideways. Then goes sideways again. It’s funny because my career is basically anticipating scenarios and outcomes that can happen and planning for them.

Our Brains Default to the Worst Outcomes

It’s a fact that our brains are wired to focus on risk. From an evolutionary perspective, that made sense. Humans survived by spotting threats and thinking “fuck that shit, I’m out of here.” The downside is that the same habit can make modern decisions feel way scarier than they actually are.

When we think about big choices, the mind often jumps straight to the possible problems. Those concerns are real and valid. But what we sometimes forget is that the future also contains good changes that deserve the same attention. Kids adapt faster than we expect, and sometimes change introduces opportunities that never would have existed otherwise. My current job only happened because I left a previous job for another but ended up hating it. When I left the new one, I found my current role and love it.

I Love Talking About Mass Effect

Okay, I talk about this game all the time, but I am going to go back to Mass Effect. Throughout the story, you’re constantly faced with bullshit that shapes what happens later in the game. It’s the same game I told you about that your decisions carry over to each game they make. So basically, decisions you made in 2007 would come back to bite you in the ass in 2012. Some decisions feel small, but literally years later you realize they had a much bigger impact than you expected. A squad mate might live or die based on something you said earlier when you weren’t paying attention.

Parenting decisions feel like that sometimes. Except instead of affecting fake characters in a video game, the outcomes affect your real life and your family’s story. No big deal.

There Is No Perfect Decision

One of the most annoying truths about parenting and life is that there is almost never a perfect decision waiting to be discovered.

There’s no moment where a glowing sign appears pointing to the exact right answer. Instead, most choices come with trade-offs. Choice A might offer new opportunities but introduce uncertainty. Choice B might provide stability but pretty much stop growth.

Eventually, though, you reach the same place most parents do. You realize that perfect certainty doesn’t exist, and at some point, you have to choose.

That realization can feel both scary and super exciting at the same time. I mean I still haven’t been hit with this yet, but I assume I will be eventually.

What Kids Actually Need from Us

So, what do our kids honestly need from us when these big decisions happen?

Kids don’t need parents who make perfect choices every time. That’s an impossible expectation for anyone to meet. They need parents who are willing to have hard conversations and consider how changes might affect them. They need parents who create stability and help them feel safe even when life is changing around them.

And maybe, they need parents who are willing to take chances when those chances might lead to cooler shit. Or maybe not, and they need us to chill out.

Regret

Another part of the mental game people don’t plan for is what happens after the decision is made.

Even when you choose carefully, some regret will show up later. You start wondering if another option would have been better or if you should have waited longer. Even the “right” decision will have moments where things feel hard or iffy. That doesn’t mean the choice was wrong.

Parents are Always Still Figuring It Out

Right now, I’ll be honest. I don’t know exactly what I’m going to do yet. Yes, I feel nervous thinking about the possibilities. But I also feel excited about what the future can be for us.

Parenting is full of moments like that. Moments where you realize the choices you make today will create the experiences your kids carry with them for years. It’s a little scary. It’s also kind of super cool.

Thanks for Reading

If this resonated with you, feel free to share it with someone who might be in the middle of one of those big decisions right now or let me know the last big ass decision you had to make. Thank you for reading. If you ever want to reach out directly, email me at savepointdad@gmail.com. If you haven't, you can also follow along on Instagram @Savepointdad.