Kids Love to Humble Parents … In Public

Parenthood humbles the shit out of you. It’s not even gently or slowly over time, but pretty much the second kids are born. As they grow they continue their service of humbling parents very publicly. You can wake up feeling confident, capable, even slightly on top of things, and by lunch your child has reminded you exactly who is really in charge.

They do it with confidence and commitment, and with absolutely zero concern for consequences. It's actually crazy to me how they know there will be consequences but decide to proceed. They know what they are doing, and they also know you are boxed in by social norms, judgmental strangers, and your hope to raise a decent human. That combination gives them a surprising amount of leverage. It sucks when you really think about it.

Kids do not care who you are outside the house. Your job title means nothing. Your accomplishments do not matter. The version of you that gets applause at events does not exist to them. At home, and especially in public, you are just Mom or Dad, and your authority is negotiable. They truly are tyrants. 

Kids Need an Audience

Kids know that in public spaces parents still have a little pride left to lose, which makes them perfect stages.

They know exactly when you are least prepared. They sense vulnerability, and once they feel it, they commit. Public settings add pressure because you are not just parenting, you are managing optics and social norms. Kids feel that tension, and somehow that makes the moment even more tempting. It’s like they have to take advantage. I am laughing to myself because I am making them sound like little apex predators. 

Even Powerful Adults Get Outsmarted

I was reminded of this recently at work when a coworker brought her kid into the office. This is someone who is second in command, a Vice President. She is sharp, decisive, and commands a room with ease. When she speaks, people listen. Meetings move. Decisions get made.

She asked her daughter something incredibly simple. Can you please put on your jacket? The answer came fast. Nope.

She asked again, calm and reasonable, the way you do when you believe in humanity. The answer stayed the same. Nope.

That was it. The decision had been made. The jacket was not going on, not because it was uncomfortable or did not fit, but simply because the child decided today was not the day. No negotiation, no explanation, just a lot of nopes.

I myself was scared and was about to go grab my jacket and put it on. You could see the shift happen. There is always a brief pause where a parent realizes this is not the hill to die on. The moment where authority gives way to strategy. A Vice President being out-negotiated by someone who still needs help wiping their butt. 

Why Parents Should Not Be Embarrassed

Most parents would feel embarrassed, but I do not think they should. Every other parent in the office watching felt something very different: relief. Thank God it is not just my damn kid.

There is a weird comfort in seeing another capable, competent adult get humbled by their child. It reminds you this is not a failure of leadership or discipline. This is just parenting. We all take turns being the example, whether we volunteer for it or not. I won’t lie, I hate when it’s my turn.

Watching moments like that also creates a sense of community, we are survivors of these mini tyrants. You may not say anything out loud, but you are rooting for that parent to get through it.

Costco

Last week, I took my little man to Costco with me. He asked to get out of the cart and I agreed, which turned out to be a rookie mistake. In my head, I pictured a calm stroll down the aisle. He had other plans.

The moment his feet hit the ground, he took off. I caught him quickly and put him back in the cart, trying to stay calm and not draw attention. Little did he know I just ran 13.1 miles catching a 4 year old is nothing to me. I laughed silently to myself thinking "lil fool".

He decided to continue this battle. He started yelling that I was a bad Dada. Loudly. Clearly. Repeatedly. He made sure the message was heard loud and clear. People turned and people laughed.

From Applause to Public Shaming

I hope you all read last week’s blog Facts vs Truths: Why Truths Matter More (Usually). I had written about having entire audiences applaud my work. Literally stand and applaud.

None of that mattered to him.

In that moment, according to my son, I was the worst Dada alive, and he made sure everyone within 2-3 aisles knew it. People looked. Thank you to those who pretended not to hear. A few parents gave me the nod that says they have been there too.

One week you are feeling competent and confident. The next you are being publicly demoted in the frozen foods aisle.

What Kids Teach Us About Control

Kids have an incredibly annoying ability to cut through whatever story you are telling yourself. They live entirely in the now. What matters to them is what they want right now. If you are standing in the way, you are the villain. They must destroy you. 

You cannot reason your way out of it or explain context. You just hold the line, breathe, and accept that your reputation is temporarily out of your control. That acceptance does not come easily. Trust me, you will practice this a lot with them.

Over time, these moments chip away at your ego. They teach patience, restraint, and perspective, even when the lesson is uncomfortable. Well, I write this hoping that's what it’ll teach me. I am still in the kids chipping away at my ego portion of this. 

Parenthood strips away ego and replaces it with perspective. It teaches you that being in charge does not mean being in control and helps you decide which battles are worth fighting. Parenthood also teaches us to laugh. Not always in the moment, but eventually. Sometimes later in the car or after bedtime. It does come eventually and it does help. It also gives me something to write about. 

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