Strong Enough to Be Kind: The Balance

When Strength and Kindness Collide

I can remember thinking about this about a week or two after we found out our second would be a boy. How am I going to teach him be strong yet at the same time kind? It sounds easy in theory but in reality, they can feel like two opposing lessons at times.

I have found myself correcting my son twice in the same day in two completely different ways. One second, I was reminding him that it’s okay to cry when he’s hurt or frustrated. A little while later, I was telling him to “Don't be scared, throw sand back” when another kid kept throwing sand at him at the park. Both lessons were true. Both felt important. And yet, in the moment, they seemed like opposites. I was telling him vulnerability was a strength, and toughness shouldn't be hidden. If I felt confused as an adult, I could only imagine how confusing it must feel for a kid still building his worldview.

Perfectly Balanced

We live in a world that often divides strength and kindness into separate boxes. Be tough, or be gentle. Stand your ground, or be compassionate. For boys especially, we lean hard toward toughness, as if a strong boy can’t also be tender. But that narrative doesn’t hold up in real life. The strongest people I’ve met were often the most compassionate, and the kindest people I’ve known had an iron will beneath their gentleness. When I started paying attention, I realized these traits weren’t opposites at all; they were complements. Still, when I parent in the day-to-day, it’s easy to slip into the old thinking: “Am I softening him too much?” or “Am I pushing him to be too hard?” Every time I ask those questions, I have to stop and remind myself that parenting isn’t about raising an extreme, it’s about raising balance. And balance will always feel like tension.

“Perfectly balanced, as all things should be." – Thanos before wiping out a planet. Sorry, I cannot say balance anymore without thinking of Thanos.

Inevitable

The truth is, kindness and strength aren’t opposites. They’re partners. Strength without kindness will become harshness. Kindness without strength can become passiveness. What I want is to raise kids who can carry both naturally. To me, that looks like resilience and empathy; a backbone that doesn’t bend under pressure and a heart that notices when others are hurting. They show up in real-life decisions, like whether my son stands up for a playmate or my daughter tells a friend “That’s not okay” when boundaries are crossed. I want them to learn that there’s nothing weak about kindness and nothing cruel about strength especially for themselves. That combination, I think, is what makes someone truly steady in a world that often feels confusing. And the sooner they learn to see kindness as an expression of strength, the less conflict they’ll feel when those moments inevitably come.

"I am inevitable." –Thanos before destroying half the Marvel Universe. Sorry, apparently inevitable also makes me think of Thanos.

Lessons in the Small Moments

I’ve noticed it isn’t about one “big talk” where I sit them down and explain the balance. It’s in the small, ordinary moments. When my son gets upset at his sister and I remind him, “You can be mad, but you can’t be mean.” I literally say this about 100 times a day to him. When my daughter feels left out and I encourage her to join the group herself instead of waiting to be invited. When they see me apologize after I lose my patience, because strength also looks like admitting you messed up (I’m told, I have yet to ever mess up) (Sorry, that’s carry over from my last blog). Sometimes I underestimate how much these little moments matter, but then I’ll overhear my kids encouraging each other using the same words I gave them. It’s a reminder that they don’t just hear what I say; they carry it forward in ways I may never see.

Modeling What Matters

The hardest part is remembering they’re always watching. If I want my kids to grow up kind and strong, I have to model both. That means showing them I can lift weights in the garage and comfort a crying toddler. That I can run miles on a tough day and let them see my softness at bedtime when I tuck them in with my Dada voice. And it means admitting when I get it wrong, because my failures are just as much lessons as my victories. My kids don’t need a perfect example, they need an honest one.

Where Strength and Kindness Are Tested

What makes this balance tricky is that life doesn’t separate kindness and strength into neat categories. They collide in messy situations: when a friend says something cruel, when they strike out, when someone takes advantage of their generosity. In those moments, the lines blur, and my kids need to know they don’t have to choose one lesson over the other. They can stand firm while still extending grace. They can set boundaries without shutting people out. They can walk away from someone who disrespects them and still hope that person learns. These moments are where kindness and strength are tested, not in theory, but in practice.

Looking Ahead

I think often about the adults my kids will become. Will my son know that tears don’t make him less of a man? Will my daughter know that boundaries don’t make her less kind? I hope so. Because if they can hold onto both strength and kindness, they’ll be prepared for whatever this world throws at them. They’ll be the kind of people who not only endure but also build others up. And that’s the bigger picture here: it’s not just about my son or my daughter. It’s about raising humans who do better than we did. That’s one of the few things I am absolutely sure of.

I look around at all the nonsense going on and this balance isn’t just something we teach our kids, it’s something we all need to relearn. As adults, we lean way too far toward strength without softness, or kindness without courage. We can all benefit from a reminder that both belong. My kids may be young, but the lessons I hope to give them are the ones I still need myself. I said before parenting has a way of holding up a mirror, and in that reflection I see where I’m strong and where I need more gentleness.

The Bigger Picture

Raising boys (and girls) isn’t about choosing between toughness or tenderness. It’s about showing them that real strength makes room for kindness, and real kindness requires strength. They don’t need to pick one, they can grow into both. This may feel conflicting at times, but the more we aware of it the easier it will be. To me writing this blog is how I try to be aware of it and I hope reading it helps you be aware of it.

Thank You

Thank you for taking the time to read and just help me get my thoughts out. Every social media comment, email, and story you share back keeps me encouraged to keep writing and reflecting. If this post clicked with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts, email me anytime at savepointdad@gmail.com. And if you think someone else would benefit from reading this, please share it out. If you do, let me know, I can't think of anything that would make me happier. Okay, that's not true there are a lot of things that would make me happier but you get what I mean.

-SavePointDad