The Last Time Your Kids Ask to Be Carried

Everyone tells you to cherish the time with your kids. We normally think of the big shit. The first steps. The first words. The first day of school. You know these times are coming, so you try your best to soak them in. You pull out your phone, take way too many damn pictures, and tell yourself you'll never forget them.

I think we all forget about the last moments. 

The last time they ask you to carry them because they're scared. The last time they reach for your hand before crossing the street. The last time they climb into your lap. The last time they need you in a way only a little kid can.

There isn't a flashing sign that says, "Hey dumbass, pay attention. This is the last time." They just happen and we don't even realize it. 

It Happens So Damn Slowly... Until It Doesn't

When your kids are little, they need you for every damn thing. Honestly, it's exhausting.

There were days I couldn't wait for my kids to become more independent. I dreamed about the day they could buckle their own seatbelt (I hate carseats), pour their own cereal, or grab a glass of water without needing me to supervise.

Then it started happening. One day they brushed their own teeth without being reminded. Eventually they could grab themselves a snack, get dressed, and solve little problems on their own. Every “milestone” made me proud because that's exactly what you're supposed to want as a parent. You're raising capable, independent humans. That's literally the job.

It hit me, though, every new thing they learn means there's one less reason for them to need you. It sounds like another “No shit” idea but its true.

The Best Feeling in the World

One of my favorite feelings as a dad has always been when one of my kids gets scared and comes running to me.

Thunder outside?

"Dada!"

Bad dream?

"Dada!"

They drop something and it breaks?

"Dada!"

The second their little arms wrapped around my neck, I felt like a God damn superhero. For those few minutes, I could fix everything for them. 

It’s sad when you realize those times are happening less and less. Now they calm themselves down more often. They figure shit out. They don't need to be picked up because they can handle it themselves or more often than not they will just argue. 

When Your Kids Stop Sitting Next to You

When your kids are tiny, they don't just sit next to you. They basically become part of you. They sit on your lap every chance they get. They steal your blanket, your pillow, and somehow ninety percent of the couch despite weighing less than a small house pet. Then one day they start sitting somewhere else. Sometimes they'd rather watch something in their room. Sometimes they sit on the other side of the couch. It just feels weird to me still.

I used to laugh/complain about how my daughter never stopped talking. She could tell a 20 minute story that somehow included unicorns, Taylor Swift, her teacher, squirrels, and a completely unrelated conversation from three weeks ago. There were definitely moments where I thought, "Damn, can I get thirty seconds of silence?"

After she said every detail that needed to be said, she left and played by herself. And almost immediately I'd catch myself thinking, "Man... it's quiet."

The Goal of Parenting

Parenting is an interesting job where succeeding means slowly making yourself less necessary. From the day they're born, your entire mission is to prepare them for life’s bullshit and not needing you. Every lesson you teach them and every bit of confidence you build means their a bit closer to independence. 

That's success. It's also really sad. Because while they're busy becoming more independent, you're saying goodbye to tons of little moments.

They Don't Need You Less. They Need You Differently.

Like everything else, I try to wrap things up nicely. I was having trouble with this one. I was just sad lol. As much as I miss the little versions of my kids, I wouldn't trade watching them grow up. There is something really special about seeing them become their own people. They have opinions about where we should eat, what movie we should watch, or what game we should play. Instead of always leading them, you are sharing the time together in a way. My kids are pretty cool. They pick cool shit to watch most of the time.

The conversations we have are getting deeper, the laughs are real, and we are connecting in completely different ways. Watching them become confident and independent is one of the most surreal parts of being a parent. You stop seeing them so much as just kids but more like actual people.

Before You Tell Them "Not Right Now..."

The next time your kid asks you to sit with them while they watch a cartoon, maybe say yes? The next time they ask you to carry them from the car even though they're perfectly capable of walking, pick them up anyway. The next time they want to tell you the longest, most unnecessarily detailed story ever told, listen. That shit will stop.

Let's be honest, you won’t enjoy every second of it. Do it because they'll stop asking. And you probably won't know that it was the last time until they haven’t asked for months.

Thank you for reading. If you like this blog, you might also like The Best Video Game Dads Are All Kinda Messed Up, and School's Out. Parent Panic Has Begun.