There’s Never Enough Time

The Story of Later

I don’t know any parent or person really who feels like they have enough time. Not one. Every adult conversation eventually gets there, no matter how it starts. We are busy, tired, behind on things, and usually all three at once. Even on good days, there is a weird pressure in the background, reminding us that some bullshit probably needs attention.

I think part of the problem is the story we keep telling ourselves about later. Later, our jobs will calm down and stop demanding so much from us. Later, the kids will be older, easier, and more independent. Later, fitness will finally click and we can basically take it easy instead of constantly pushing. We treat later like some damn hidden level we just have to find and unlock. It’s like we are convinced that once we get there, life will finally run smoothly, the way we think it’s supposed to.

But here’s the annoying ass truth I keep thinking. Even if all of that happens, I do not think we suddenly feel like we have enough time. The pressure shifts maybe, but never really disappears.

It Gets Easier . . . JK

We love the idea of a smooth and easy life. That’s not a bad thing, who doesn’t want an easy life. A stretch where the kids sleep in, work is predictable, the house stays clean for more than twelve minutes, and our knees feel great. Okay, I don’t have knee problems but I always hear people complaining about them so I figured I would throw that in. Random side note, I pulled my back for the first time ever last year. That shit hurt. I always thought people were being dramatic about it when they said it. Okay, honestly it wasn’t that bad. I still think people are a bit dramatic about it.

Parenting and life do not have a final level or boss. Every time you think you are approaching one, it throws a new problem you did not think to prepare for. Just when you think you have the hang of everything, Surprise MF, the difficulty goes up.

When kids are little, the time pressure is physical. They need you constantly and are very loud about it. You can’t step away for long, and everything you need to do takes twice as long as it should. Lol twice? More like three times as long as it should. When they get older, the pressure becomes mental and emotional. You worry more. You replay conversations with them. You wonder if you handled something the right way and what part of your reaction will they copy with other people.

Breaking Bad Ended 12 Years Ago

What’s hitting me more now is that time passes whether we notice it or not. I mean I have always known this, but I am really feeling it now. One day you look up and realize years slipped by and it all felt like a blur of Zoom meetings, emails, lunches, practices, workouts, and unfinished to-do lists. The days blended together while you were doing your best to keep everything moving. Like isn’t it crazy AF 2020 was six years ago, like legit half a decade ago. I still can remember what I was doing and what games I was playing at that time.

It’s weird though because I do not remember specific dates. I do remember phases I guess I would call it. I remember what stressed me out and what grounded me. The details fade but emotion and thoughts don’t.

That is when the thought sneaks up on you. Fuck. Where did it all go? Not in a dramatic ass way, but in a quiet one which is even more scary. I know you have felt it when you see an old photo, hear your kid say something that suddenly sounds grown, or realize a show you love ended 12 years ago. I am thinking of Breaking Bad. That is fucking crazy, 12 years ago.

Free Time Feels Uncomfortable

So, looking at this makes how we handle free time even weirder. On the rare occasions when we do have time, it does not always feel good. Sometimes we feel bored, like we are wasting it. Sometimes restless, like we should be doing something productive instead of sitting still. Or anxious, already thinking about tomorrow before today is even over. It’s actually really annoying like damn can’t I just enjoy this free time.

We finally get a free afternoon with no plans and spend half of it scrolling, pacing, or mentally preparing for the next day’s bullshit. The time is there, but we do not know what to do with it.

It is like we have trained our bodies to live in urgency mode. When the pressure lifts, we do not automatically relax because we probably can’t anymore. Slowing down can feel uncomfortable when urgency has been your default for years.

This Is the Game

Parenting is hard because the timer never stops. There is no pause menu, no rewind, no save and come back later. You are always playing, even when you are exhausted, distracted, or frankly just don’t want to. We have all felt this way.

That is why the idea that “someday things will slow down” feels even more scary. Not because it is completely bullshit, but because it keeps our eyes locked on a future that never really comes.

Lately, I have been thinking if the goal is not to have more time. I hope I word this right but maybe the goal is to stop treating our time like we are waiting for the real game to begin. This is not a warm-up round. This is not filler meant to be rushed through. This is the game. Even when it feels repetitive, chaotic, and kind of bullshitty at times.

Thanks for Being Here

Thank you for making it this far. Thank you for carving out time you probably felt like you did not have. Thank you for choosing to slow down for a few minutes.

I know this blog was a little more abstract and spacey than I usually put out. If you liked it, Why I Ask So Many Open‑Ended Questions has a similar feel.

And if you have subscribed, I am genuinely glad you are here. I enjoy this a lot and I really look forward to when you all reach out to me to discuss these blogs. You all are dope AF.