Tiny Teacher, Big Lessons

I’ve never been a patient person. Not as a kid. Not as an adult. Definitely not as a dad. Patience feels like one of those things that everyone says you should have, but no one really has it. I am convinced we are all pretending (even you).

Born in a Hurry

It literally starts at birth. My son came into this world like he had shit to do. My daughter took her sweet time and still does with literally everything. It was fifteen hours of labor, basically a whole cinematic buildup. We had family waiting, birthing plans and preferences, and nurses who came and went. She didn't care, she took her time. It was long but it was calm, for me anyway. My wife may disagree on this.

My son? We barely made it to the hospital. I am not exaggerating at all. They had to reroute us to a closer hospital while we were driving. We rolled in and twenty minutes later, this fool was here. My wife wasn’t even hooked up to the monitoring system yet, they took her blood and connected the monitoring system after he was born. A good friend of mine always says God has a sense of humor and this was it. “You need to work on patience? Here’s a kid who’s going to test it.”

And God damn, has he.

Fire

He’s three now, and he’s got my same restless can't-sit-still fire. When things don’t go his way, he gets upset and he lets you know it. He stomps in the room, raises his voice, and lets you have it. It can be kind of funny at times, but sometimes it reaches a point that we have to step in. 

And every time I try to talk him down, I catch myself saying, “Chill, dude. It’s not a big deal.” Except to him, it is. He’s only existed for three years. His world is tiny. If his tower of blocks falls, that might actually be the worst thing that’s ever happened to him in his life. He doesn’t have a long list of tragedies and triumphs to compare it to yet. Given that fact, it's true the smallest things are quite literally the worst thing to have ever happened to him in his life.

So yeah, it is a big deal. To him.

So now I gotta teach him patience when I know I don’t have it. That sucks lol. When things don’t go as I planned, I get it and know exactly how he feels. The difference is, I just disguise it better. I don’t throw blocks or stop my feet, I just get quiet, irritated, impatient. I rush through moments trying to get to the next one, thinking that’ll somehow fix it.

Control

I used to think patience meant just sitting there and waiting, it felt like punishment. But the older I get, the more I see it’s an active choice. It’s taking a breath before responding. It’s letting your kid cry for a second before swooping in. It’s reminding yourself that the meltdown at bedtime is more about them not having control over their lives, than bedtime itself. 

And honestly, that’s a skill most adults still struggle with. I’ve met CEOs, teachers, leaders, people who seem composed on the outside, but they’re just as reactive underneath. “I don’t let people tell me what to do” “I will say what’s on my mind no matter how the other person reacts” These are the exact same reactions we are trying to teach our kids not to have. 

Monkey See, Monkey Do

When I put myself in his shoes, I see how confusing the world is. Everything’s new. Every boundary feels like a personal attack. Imagine someone twice your size telling you no every time you’re kind of curious about something. You’d be frustrated AF also.

I go back to this a lot because it's true and it's a reminder to myself. Kids copy what they see. If I lose my cool, he learns that’s what you do when life doesn’t cooperate. But if I breathe through it, maybe he’ll pick that up instead. We have actually been working on this, I was so proud when he was getting angry and I heard him stop and take deep breaths.

And that’s where the real work comes in. Because patience with kids isn’t about controlling them, it’s about controlling yourself. It’s not natural, for me anyway. It’s not easy. Frankly, it's annoying. 

One breath. One pause. One “Hey buddy, I get it” instead of “Stop crying.”

There is Now a Level Zero

^^^^^I hope you all know where this is from.

I wish I could say I’ve mastered this. I wish I could say I mastered a lot of the skills I write about.

Nope. I still lose my patience. I still raise my voice. I still feel like I’m failing some days. But I guess learning patience isn’t about never losing it, it’s about finding it quicker each time?

We’re both figuring it out. He’s learning how to be a person. I’m learning how to guide one without losing my shit lol.

Blunt Force Trauma

Some days you’ll nail parenting. Some days it’ll be pure blunt force trauma and you’ll get hit with back-to-back tantrums before your first cup of coffee. That’s fine. You’re both still in the game. You’re both still learning life. So please try to remind yourself that every hard moment with your kid is a chance to show them grace. Even when you don’t want to, hell, especially when you don’t want to.

So next time my son loses it over something small, I’ll try to remember: this fool started life in a hurry, just like his dad. Maybe we were both put here to teach each other how to slow down. Or ..... maybe he is just picking up bad habits from his mom, I will probably just go with this theory, just kidding.

If you made it this far, thank you for taking a few minutes out of your day to read this. If this one resonated with you, share it or send it to another parent who might need the reminder. We’re all figuring this shit out while we pretend like we're experts.