Video Games Lied to You

I’ve seen tons of posts about what video games teach you about being a dad. I am sure you have seen a few and they make a lot of good points. They come off a little cheesy and unrealistic to me at times though.

So I’m going to take a different approach. Not because it’s deeper or more meaningful, but because it’s honest … and honestly, more fun. Half the shit I do is strictly to entertain myself. 

This isn’t about what video games get right. This is about what they got completely wrong about being a dad.

Parenting Progress Feels Invisible

I want to start with what I see as the biggest lie video games sold us on, progress is always visible. In a game, you always know where you stand in comparison to others. There is an experience bar, skill trees, better gear, higher damage numbers, something that tells you what you are doing is working. It’s easy to see when you are progressing. 

Being a dad does not work like that.

You can wake up early, go to work, deal with bullshit all day, come home, try to be patient, help with homework, clean up, get the kids ready for bed, and still end the night feeling like you got absolutely nothing done. 

If anything, the feedback you get is the opposite of what you expect. You try your best and still get attitude, meltdowns, or complaints about something random like “I have to do everything in this house!” after you simply asked them to brush their teeth. 

What games get wrong is not that progress exists. It’s that progress is usually not obvious. In real life, progress is delayed, subtle, and super easy to miss. It shows up later like how your kids talk, how they handle shit, or how they treat other people.

“Side Quests” Are Not Optional in Real Life

In video games, side quests are optional. You do them if you want extra shit like rewards, better gear, or just to explore. If you are not in the mood, you say F it and go back to the main mission.

Being a dad is basically a life full of side quests that you can’t skip.

And most of them do not give you anything.

You just got home from work and sat down for the first time all day. Now someone needs help with homework. You finally have a minute to yourself. Someone needs a snack. You were about to relax. There's always a mess. It's actually crazy how kids can make a mess in the time it takes for you to clean up the last one and before you can sit down. There’s like a 20 second gap where they can make it happen.

These are not optional. You don’t get to say no because you are tired or not in the mood. I remember watching That 70s Show and Red, the grumpy old dad, told his son something that really stuck with me, “Being an adult just means doing tons of shit you don’t wanna do.”

You Are Not the Main Character Anymore

In video games you are the main character. The entire world and story revolves around you. You are the one making decisions and pushing things forward at your own damn pace.

Being a parent flips that shit completely. You are not the main character in your life anymore. Your kids are.

I’ve heard people say this a lot and it’s easy to nod your head and agree, but in real life, it is hard af at times because it changes your priorities and your very identity.

The story is no longer about what you want and what is most convenient for you. It is about them.

That is a truth that is hard to deal with and even harder to live out every day. Because a part of us still wants to be the main character. We still have goals, hobbies, and useless expensive shit we want to buy. That does not just go away.

So now you are balancing both. You are trying to show up for your kids while also not completely losing yourself. There is no guide for this and everyone pretends like it's natural and super easy to do. 

Effort vs Reward

Games make you think effort and reward are tightly connected. You put in work, you get something back. Simple. You beat a level, you get a reward. Duh.

Games are built to give you constant feedback to keep you wanting to push forward. Being a dad means a lot of the time you have to push forward not knowing if you are even making the right calls. It sucks sometimes.

The connection between effort and reward is not immediate. Sometimes there is none at all. And we hate anything in life that is not instant gratification. 

Truth About Not Knowing 

Basically, video games made us think we would always know if we were doing a good job. In real life, we don’t.

You do the shit you don’t want to do. You handle the side quests that never stop coming. You try to be patient when you are exhausted. You choose your kids over yourself more times than anyone sees. And most of the time, it feels like there is no progress.

You may not feel like the main character anymore, but that does not mean your role is smaller. 

You are just playing a different kind of game now.

One Last Thing

If this hits home for you, share it with someone else who might need to hear it. This only grows with your support, and it means more than you know.

And seriously, reach out. I love hearing your thoughts, your experiences, and even when you disagree. Email me at savepointdad@gmail.com. And if you’re not already following along, you can find me on Instagram @SavePointDad.