We Forgot What Being a Kid Felt Like.

I sat down this morning planning to write a completely different blog. I was ready to write about our family vacation the good and obviously the bad. I already had the whole thing planned out in my head too.

Then my daughter decided we needed a change of plans.

We got into one of those damn parent versus kid standoffs where halfway through the argument you stop and think, "I am literally arguing with a kid and IDGAF." I was annoyed as hell, I kept thinking, “Why are we fighting about this?” Every answer felt like pushback. Every explanation somehow created another explanation. You know exactly the type of interaction I’m talking about if you’re a parent.

But after shit calmed down and we cooled off, I started thinking about the whole thing again. Maybe kids are not always trying to be difficult the way we think they are. Like maybe they aren’t trying to be little jerks on purpose (I am probably giving them too much credit here). Maybe we as adults completely forget what it actually felt like to be a kid. Not the nostalgic movie version of childhood either. I mean the frustrating as hell parts. The powerless parts.

We remember birthday parties, cartoons, and summer breaks. What we do not remember very clearly is what it felt like constantly being told what to do by people bigger than us, louder than us, older than us, and fully convinced they were right all the time.

Adults Think They’re Logical.

As adults, we love pretending we are logical and efficient. Meanwhile we lose our shit over traffic or long lines at Costco. So, let’s be honest with ourselves for a second. Adults are emotional too. We just get away with it.

When we tell kids to do something, in our minds it is usually simple as hell. To us these are tiny tasks. Barely worth discussing.

Put your shoes on. Clean your room. Brush your teeth. Get in the car. Stop yelling. Go to bed.

But kids are not operating with adult brains yet. They use a logic we don’t understand anymore. They genuinely believe they are making perfect sense while we stand there completely confused about how they reached that conclusion. During the argument my daughter honestly believed her side made sense. In her mind, she was probably just as frustrated that I was not understanding her as I was frustrated she was not understanding me.

Imagine how irritating as fuck that must feel as a child. Trying to explain yourself to somebody who already decided you are wrong before you even finish your sentence. When we do that to each other as adults that legit causes fights that can last years.

Total side track, but this made me think of Breaking Bad when Walt is trying to save Hank from being killed and Hank tells him, "You're the smartest guy I ever met. And you're too stupid to see ... he made up his mind 10 minutes ago."

Childhood Is Always Being Told What to Do

I think one thing parents forget sometimes is how exhausting childhood probably feels from a kid’s perspective.

Think about a kid’s day for a second.

Wake up when somebody tells you. Wear what somebody picked. Eat when somebody says it is time. Go where adults tell you. Sit where adults tell you. Ask permission constantly. Be corrected all day. Be told to hurry up nonstop. Then repeat the entire process again tomorrow.

Nobody likes being controlled all day. I legit feel bad even looking at that.

Adults have one annoying interaction with a manager at work then text their spouse a play by play about how useless their manager is. Kids live under authority literally all day long while also trying to understand emotions they do not fully know how to process yet.

Maybe They Aren’t Trying to Be Difficult

Sometimes kids really are being stubborn dictators. Sometimes they are tired little emotional tornadoes looking to start shit over the wrong color plate or because somebody breathed too loudly near them.

But other times I think they genuinely believe they are right.

Not manipulative. Not intentionally disrespectful. Not trying to ruin your day. They honestly think their reasoning makes sense. And maybe sometimes it actually does using kid logic.

Their feelings are huge. Their emotional regulation is still developing. Half the time they probably do not even fully understand why they are upset themselves. Honestly, most adults are not amazing at emotional regulation either.

Parenting Is Less About Winning

I need to try slowing down enough to remember my kid is a human trying to figure life out in real time.

I find those perfect and patient parenting gurus who preach about speaking softly during every disagreement with kids annoying AF. That is social media fantasy land. Real parenting is messy. We fuck up sometimes.

I still lose patience. I still get irritated. I still wonder why a five minute task somehow became a forty minute emotional negotiation. But I need to remember that perspective matters and I think you should try also.

Maybe our kids deserve a little more understanding than we give them sometimes. Maybe kids are not always trying to challenge us. I mean they probably are, but let’s give them the benefit of the doubt. 

Thanks

If this post hit home, you’re definitely not alone. Parenting is messy, loud, frustrating, and hilarious when you think about it.

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