When the Mirror Looks Back at You and Tells You “Shhhhhh”

The Moments You Don’t See Coming

There are moments in parenting that that you don’t see coming. I’m not talking about the kind where your kid accidentally headbutts you while climbing onto the couch (Although that sucks). But I mean the kind that makes you pause and think, Am I really the role model I think I am? It’s not about guilt as much as it is about clarity, a sudden look at yourself through the eyes of the small humans you’re raising. And that is uncomfortable, because it doesn’t care about your excuses or how good your intentions were.

A Calculator Becomes a Reality Check

For me, one of those moments came this weekend in the form of a calculator. Just a cheap pink large calculator my wife uses that my son turned into a reality check. Parenting has this funny way of taking the most ordinary situations and turning them into something that sticks with you for life.

It was a Sunday morning and my son was sitting on the floor, completely lost in his own world. Any parent knows that kind of quiet is a gift. I watched him, noticing how carefully he was hitting the buttons, his little face seriously concentrating. His fingers were tapping at the buttons and I asked, “What are you doing my man?” expecting some story about dinosaurs. Without even looking at me, he waved his hand in my direction to shoo me away and said, “Shhhh, I’m in a meeting.” He didn’t smile at all or even look at me.

And just like that, I knew exactly where he got that from. He’d seen it before, seen it from me. It didn’t feel good.

“When Did You See Me Do This?”

I once read a line that said, “Whenever my kids act rude, before getting angry, I ask them when did you see me do this?” I wish I could remember where I read it but cannot recall for the life of me. In that moment, I didn’t just hear his words. I heard myself. I saw my gestures. I felt my tone; the exact one I use when I’m on a Zoom call and one of my kids interrupts me.

Why I Started This

Moments like this are exactly why I started SavePointDad. It wasn’t just to share stories about fatherhood, fitness, or gaming; it was to give myself time to find a save point and actually think about what I’m doing as a parent. Writing these moments down forces me to slow down and ask questions I don't want to ask. Sometimes those questions sting, but they’re the ones that help me do better.

The Mirror You Can’t Adjust

Looking in a literal mirror is easy, well usually. You fix your hair and go about your day. Looking into a living, breathing mirror that’s your child is something else. You’re seeing a reflection of your behavior, and sometimes that reflection isn’t what we want to see. We like to explain away our kids’ behavior: they’re tired, they’re going through a phase, they picked it up from YouTube, sometimes that’s true. But most of the time, the explanation is a lot simpler. They learned it from us.

They’re Always Watching

Kids are observers. They pick up on the smallest habits, the way you sigh, the exact words you mutter under your breath when traffic is bad, the way you say goodbye. They aren’t just watching; they’re cataloging every damn thing. And then, without warning, they’ll try out what they’ve learned.

It’s not just my son who mirrors me. A few months ago, I overheard my daughter playing with her dolls. She had them lined up in a perfect row, pacing in front of them like a tiny dictator. Then she said, in my exact tone, “Are you serious? This needs to stop.” That’s something I say when I’m frustrated. She wasn’t making fun of me, she was taking my words and using them in her own little world. It made me realize that the things I repeat, even the ones I think aren’t sinking in, are sticking.

Patterns, Not Context

We all have excuses. Work has been stressful. I’m tired. They know I didn’t mean it. But kids don’t see context, they see patterns. If I regularly shush them while I’m focused; they learn that this is how you respond when you’re busy. They don’t separate Dada on a deadline from Dada at home, they just see me. And that becomes part of their toolkit.

Owning the Moments

So, what do I do about it? I can’t erase every imperfect moment, but I can own them. I can call myself out when I mess up: “Sorry, I wasn’t listening. Can you say that again?” I can explain my actions: “I’m in a meeting right now, but I want to hear what you’re saying as soon as I’m done.” I can make an effort to model the kind of patience I want them to have, even when they’re asking me the same question for the millionth time.

The Good Stuff Sticks Too

The funny thing is, not all mirror moments are bad. Sometimes they’re exactly the encouragement I need. I’ve seen my son share his last bite because he’s watched me do it. I’ve heard my daughter say “It’s okay to be scared” to her brother. Those moments remind me that the good stuff sticks also. The challenge is making sure there’s more of that good stuff to copy than the moments I wish they wouldn’t repeat.

Parenting Is a Long Game

Parenting is a long game. Every habit I model now is shaping the adult my child will become. I’m going to mess up. You’re going to mess up. The mirror will always be there. And if I’m intentional, I’ll like more and more of what I see.