How Do You Teach Kids Not to Be Selfish?

One of the most annoying parenting realizations is the fact that we are trying to teach our kids lessons we still struggle with ourselves. FYI, I’m making a generalization that does not include myself. Chill, I’m joking. 

Selfishness.

I have always said there are a lot of flaws I can deal with. A little stubbornness? Of course. A little messy? Whatever. Honestly, kids are supposed to be messy little goblins. But selfishness has always bothered me more than most traits because selfish people push everyone away. The problem is, selfishness is not exactly rare. It is built into us.

You can see it in adults immediately. You are sitting there after a long day finally eating something in peace. Let’s just say pizza or fries. Maybe it is some dessert you hid because your kids treat snacks like trained police dogs searching for shit.

Of course, your kids appear out of nowhere. “What are you eating?” And right there is the real test of character. Because before you answer, there is always the hesitation where you think.

“Please do not freaking ask for this.”

You are still going to share it because you are not a monster, but there is hesitation. Selfishness is human nature. I mean like shit, most toddlers literally scream mine all day. Also, I normally just tell my kids its spicy so they stop asking. 

Entitlement

What makes this shit even more complicated is figuring out where the line is between raising nice kids and raising entitled kids. Giving your kids everything they want does not magically make them generous. Grateful kids appreciate things. Entitled kids expect things. 

Every parent wants to provide for their kids. We want and need them to be happy. We want to give them experiences we maybe did not have ourselves. The first surprise toy feels magical. The tenth one feels normal. Eventually they stop feeling thankful and start feeling confused when they do not get something. To be fair, adults do the exact same shit. 

One of the biggest parenting traps now is removing every discomfort immediately. Kids get bored? Hand them an iPad. Kids get sad? Buy them treats. Kids get frustrated? Solve the problem for them instantly instead of letting them struggle a bit. Then later we wonder why they struggle with gratitude or patience.

The truth is kids need to hear “no” sometimes. Not because parents enjoy saying it, most of the time anyway. Saying no sucks. Children react to minor inconvenience like they just got hella betrayed. They stare at you like “how could you?!”.

Selfishness Pushes People Away

One reason I worry so much about selfishness is because I know what happens later in life.

Selfish people struggle with relationships. Friendships get exhausting. Relationships get strained. Coworkers get frustrated.

Kids know this to. Watch kids long enough and you will see it happen. The kid who never shares, always changes the rules, and only cares about themselves eventually ends up alone because the other kids stop wanting to play with them. That lesson is painful, but real.

We are trying to raise kids who understand the world does not revolve around them. Which honestly is hard AF now because social media basically teaches everyone to become the main character all the time.

So How Do We Actually Teach Kids to Be Less Selfish?

Sorry, I don’t fucking know lol.

There is no magical parenting strategy that guarantees your child becomes grateful and super nice. But I do think a few things help. Let kids hear “no.” Honestly, sometimes it does feel good to tell them no lol. Teach them to help even when they do not want to. Seriously, like 95% of the things I do everyday are things I don't want to do. To me the biggest thing is kids need to understand they are part of something bigger than themselves. That’s all I got. Hopefully it works. 

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I am going to go tell my kids no now for some random shit.