Starting a New Job Is Scary as Hell. Here’s What I Learned.

Last week I wrote about what I learned from leaving a job after almost 10 years. I talked about how weird it is to walk away from somewhere that has been such a huge part of my life and how quickly something that felt permanent becomes just your old job. Leaving the comfortable job is only half the mindfuck. Eventually, you actually have to start a new job after nearly a decade of knowing exactly what you're doing.

The "Holy Shit, Did I Ruin My Life?" Phase

The second I resigned, all the confidence I had while making the decision was instantly gone. I had thought about it for weeks. I talked it through with my wife, we weighed the pros and cons, and knew why the new job made sense for me and my family. We had made an informed, rational adult decision.

Then I resigned and immediately thought, "Shit, did I just ruin my life?"

What if I hate it? What if I'm not actually good at it? What if my old job was secretly the greatest job ever and I somehow didn't realize it until I left?

The funniest part is that I knew this was going to happen. Before I resigned, I literally told my wife, "In a few days I'm going to freak out and think I made the wrong decision. When that happens, remind me that I told you this would happen." Look at me being emotionally intelligent and shit.

My wife reminded me exactly like I asked her to. She reminded me why I made the decision and that I had predicted this exact reaction would happen a few days later. Ya, that totally did not work. I did not listen to my wife or my past highly intelligent self. I was scared.

Why Starting a New Job Feels So Weird

You can be completely ready to leave something and still be sacred as hell when you actually do it. Those feelings seem like they should cancel each other out; they don't.

My old job was known. I knew the people, systems, history, and dumb office politics. There is an huge amount of comfort in knowing how a place works, and you don't realize how much knowledge you have until none of it matters anymore.

Then you start somewhere new and you're thinking about things you haven't thought about in years. Who actually makes decisions? Where does everyone eat (I literally had to ask this)? Am I supposed to respond to this email or will a thumbs-up do? Nobody puts that shit in the employee handbook.

Your brain also starts editing your old job like a nostalgic movie trailer. Suddenly you remember everything you loved and conveniently forget the reasons you were willing to leave. Familiar feels safe, and safe starts feeling like maybe it was better.

You Find Out Who Is Actually On Your Team

One of the best parts of this entire transition has been realizing how many people honestly want me to succeed.

I am talking about the people you can list as references and know they're going to make you sound like the greatest fucking employee who has ever lived. They're the ones who advocate for you when you aren't in the room and somehow remember accomplishments you forgot about.

Others text before your first day. They ask how things are going. They give you advice about traffic, places to eat, and all the random shit that make your life easier.

Having a team just feels good.

You Go From Gandalf to Completely Fucking Useless

The most humbling part of starting a new job after being somewhere forever is you don’t know shit.

At your old job you weren't necessarily smarter than everyone else, but you had years of context. Someone could mention a project from five years ago and you'd know what happened. Someone could suggest an idea and you'd remember that it had already been tried and nearly caused three people to quit. Actually, let’s be honest you probably were smarter than a handful of people there. There are some real dumbasses in the workplace. Basically, you were Gandalf. Then you changed jobs.

Suddenly you're sitting in meetings and you don’t know a single acronym. You're writing things down to look up later.  There have already been moments where I've genuinely thought, they are paying me not to do shit right now.

That's a weird feeling when you're used to being useful. At the old job, people came to you with questions. At the new job, you're the one asking what feels like stupid questions.

Pro Tip: Learn the Culture, Not Just Your Job

This might be the most important thing I've learned so far: learning the work culture is just as important as learning your actual role.

Every place has two versions of itself. There is the official version described in onboarding documents, organizational charts, and strategic plans. Then there is the real version made up of actual people who have worked together for years. You need to understand both.

How are decisions really made? Does leadership want quick conversations or detailed emails? Who has been there forever and knows absolutely everything? Which processes exist for a legitimate reason, and which ones exist because somebody created a spreadsheet in 2015 and everyone is scared to mess it up?

There's a huge difference between saying, "At my old organization we did it this way," and asking, "Can you help me understand why we do it this way here?" One says that you've arrived with answers. The other gives you a chance to learn whether your brilliant solution was already tried three years ago and turned into a shit show.

Learn the culture before you try to change anything.

Starting Over Might Actually Be Good for You

Leaving after so many years forced me to give up something I didn't realize I'd become so attached to: certainty. I like knowing shit. I liked being useful. I liked being comfortable. I liked being Gandalf.

Now I'm basically back at Level 0, except I got to carry some stats and equipment over from my previous save file.

So, if you're starting a new job after being somewhere forever, give yourself a damn break. You might regret leaving before you've even finished leaving. You’ll miss knowing exactly what you're doing but it’ll be worth it and honestly kind of fun.

Thank You

If you're starting something new yourself, remember that you don't need to feel 100% confident for the decision to be right. Learn the people, learn the culture, ask the stupid ass questions, and accept that feeling useless for a little while is part of becoming useful again.

Eventually, you'll know shit again.

Thanks for reading and continuing to follow along while I figure this shit out in real time. If you missed the first half of this story, check out my post about what I learned from leaving a job after nearly a decade. And if you like stories about fatherhood, work, fitness, gaming, and trying to act like a functioning adult, subscribe to SavePointDad so you don't miss the next one.

We're all figuring this shit out. Might as well do it together.