When the Hell Did We Become the Adults? Getting Older is Weird

I swear this shit happened without my permission.

One day I was the dumbass drinking beer with my friends playing the pass around taser game. And yes, it’s as stupid as it sounds. We basically would taser somebody unexpectedly and then hand it off to them. They then got to unexpectedly taser someone else during the night. That shit hurt and burned holes in your shirt. Now people ask me for career and financial advice. Seriously...when the fuck did that happen?

I don't remember ever like feeling older. I don't remember waking up one morning suddenly thinking I have this shit figured out. I am still always thinking about stupid shit all day. I have countless dumb ideas but then stop myself like, "Hmmmm, better not."  Maybe that’s the sign that I am the adult now.

The Signs You're Getting Older

Doctors somehow keep looking younger every year to me. Police officers more often than not look like teenagers. I was just talking about UFC with a coworker and we were saying a fighter is too old to fight and he needs to step away with his head held high. We looked up his age and he was in his early thirties. That shit was humbling.

My kids walk near the street and I yell, "Watch for cars!" without even thinking. Thirty years ago I rolled my eyes every time my parents said that to me because obviously I was going to be careful. Now I know exactly why they said it. It was because they had already lived long enough to know how quickly life can change because somebody else wasn't paying attention.

Adulthood Feels Like Pretending

Honestly, I think most of us have just gotten really good at pretending. I go to work, sit in important meetings, talk about budgets, strategic plans, partnerships, and all the serious adult shit I'm supposed to know about. People nod while I talk like I have everything figured out. Then I drive home wondering what X-Men I would be and the potential consequences of having their power, and when and if I could even use them. I bet you all didn't consider that last part. Realistically, when the fuck would you use claws or optic blasts and not get in trouble for it.

Maybe that's why I laugh whenever someone asks me for advice. It catches me off guard. Younger coworkers ask about their careers. Friends ask what I'd do in their situation. People have asked me about investing, parenting, fitness, leadership, and all kinds of other shit that make me want to look over my shoulder to see if there's a real adult standing behind me ready to call me out for acting. I'll give them the best answer I can and then think, "Man, I really hope that sounded smarter than I actually am."

When I was younger I honestly believed there was a point where your life finally made sense. Bills weren't stressful anymore. You understood taxes. Relationships got easier. You knew exactly how to raise kids. You stopped pretending to like salad. I'm forty now, and I have some disappointing news. Nobody knows what the fuck they're doing.

We're better at hiding it. We get more comfortable making decisions. We stop panicking every time something goes wrong because we've been through enough shit and know it can always get worse. Confidence doesn't come from suddenly becoming an expert at life. It comes from realizing you've already screwed enough things up to know the world usually doesn't end.

The Biggest Lie We Believed About Our Parents

That realization completely changed the way I think about my parents.

When I was a kid, they seemed like superheroes. Dad could fix anything. Mom always knew what to do when somebody got sick or hurt. They managed bills, jobs, vacations, school events, birthdays, and handled all the dumb shit I did with grace and patience. I was not a bad kid, I was a dumb kid. They felt solid and certain. Like they had life completely under control.

Now I look through the eyes of a parent, and I almost laugh at how wrong I was. They were just two people trying to figure it out. Every stage of life they went through was the first time they'd ever experienced it, just like it is for me now. They were making the best decision they could and hoping it worked out.

That might be the biggest surprise adulthood has given me. Your parents weren't pretending because they wanted to fool you. They were pretending because that's what parents do. You don't tell your six-year-old you don’t have a damn clue about the future or you are worried about your job. You don't let your kids see every uncertainty because your job isn't to bring them into life's everyday bullshit. Your job is to make them feel safe enough to just be kids.

Maybe Nobody Ever Really Figures Life Out

So when the hell did we become the adults? If our parents didn't have shit completely figured out, maybe we can stop beating ourselves up for not having it figured out either. Adulthood isn't about finally becoming the person who has all the answers. I don’t actually know how I would define it and honestly, I still don't know exactly when I became the adult. I just know one day I looked around and realized I wasn't waiting for anyone anymore. That might be the weirdest part of growing up. You spend your entire childhood believing there's always an adult in the room. Then one day you realize, God damn it, it’s me. And somehow, everyone else thinks you've got this. I almost feel more bad for the other people lol.

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